Survey Says...

In my 1st post I mentioned that everyone is likely to have experience with a divorce. So I decided to do a little experiment on Facebook. In my status I posted “Hey everyone! I'm doing a final project for a soc class about divorce. I know many people have experienced a divorce. If you have could you comment on this by saying who you knew going through it (ex: parents, aunt, friend), it would help me out. Thanks!” I kept this post up for about a day hoping I would get a bunch of people to respond. I didn’t get to many people, it could be because people didn’t see the status or they just didn’t feel like doing it. Only 10 people commented on it, but a handful of people had many different events with divorce. I did not add in my results because there would be a bunch of duplicates.

Here are the results:
Parents: 6
Uncle: 3 (one of the uncles got divorced 3 times)
Aunt: 1
Husband’s parents: 1
Husband’s cousin: 1
Husband’s uncle: 1
Friend’s parents: 2
Grandparents: 2
Self: 1

20 total divorces (including all of the uncles) between 10 people. On average that is each person knowing at least 2 people to get a divorce.

I wish more people would have responded but these results are not very significant.

Movies

Like I have mentioned before divorce is seen everywhere. Since the last 80’s there have been many blockbusters that have to deal with divorce. There are movies that deal with splitting up property, affects on children, remarrying, and much more. I was trying to find good movies that dealt with divorce so I could talk about them but I found a site that already did it perfectly. Debbie Divorce names the Top 10 Divorce Movies.

1. The War of the Roses (1989)
Starring: Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito

After a whirlwind romance, the Roses start to build their fantasy life: a prosperous career for Oliver (Douglas) and the perfect material possession to fill their dream home. The fantasy doesn’t last long and after filing for divorce, neither Oliver nor Barbara (Turner) want to give up the dream home they have built together. Their divorce battle grows heated. Throughout the movie, Oliver’s divorce lawyer (DeVito) discusses an important lesson learned on how far a divorce can go if you let it.

2. The Squid and the Whale (2005)
Starring: Owen Kline, Jeff Daniels, Laura Linney and Jesse Eisenberg

It’s 1986 in Brooklyn, NY when Bernard (Daniels) and Joan (Linney) divorce, driven apart by jealousy. The couple’s two teenage sons are left to form new relationships with their parents and quickly take sides. Walt (Eisenberg) stays with his father, and Frank (Kline) lives with his mom. The movie spins the tale of how the parents’ dysfunctional lives affect their two sons.

3. The First Wives Club (1996)
Starring: Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler and Diane Keaton

After meeting up again at a college friend’s funeral, three divorced women decide to take revenge on their husbands who left them for younger wives. Since these women helped their men climb the financial ladder of success, they decided to hit ‘em where it hurts. Although I don’t recommend getting nasty with revenge, justice can make for a good laugh.

4. Waiting to Exhale (1995)
Starring: Whitney Houston, Angela Bassett, Loretta Devine

This story follows the lives of four African American women as they deal with the ups and downs of life. Although these women are successful in their careers, they have trouble with love because they pursue stereotypes and bad habits. These four friends’ lives take different directions, but they find that their friendship is what helps them through the challenges of relationships, careers and family.

5. Stepmom (1998)
Starring: Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon and Ed Harris

After Jackie (Sarandon) and Luke (Harris) divorce, their children have to deal with the fact that their father has found another woman, Isabel (Roberts). The children, Anna and Ben, follow the example set by their mother and give their second mother a lot of trouble. But when Jackie is diagnosed with a terminal illness, the family must figure out a way to coexist. The movie spins the tale of a blended family learning to accept one another.

6. The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Starring: Matthew Perry, Bruce Willis and Amanda Peet

Although Nick ‘Oz’ Oseransk (Perry) isn’t happy in his marriage, he’s in for a shock when he finds out his wife is hiring a hit man to get rid of him. Enter Jimmy The Tulip (Willis), a Chicago hit man, who ratted out some members of the mob as a bargaining chip with law enforcement. Although this comedy is about an unsuspecting man getting caught up with both sides of the mob, it highlights the twists and turns of marriage and divorce.

7. One Fine Day (1996)
Starring: Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney

Two divorced parents meet during a morning mix up with their children. Jack (Clooney) and Melanie (Pfeiffer) end up spending the day together when the mix up causes the children to miss a class field trip. In the beginning, the two assume each other has the same negative stereotypes as their exes, but by the end of the day, they are brought together as they work to watch the children and keep their jobs. A cute comedy about leaving the past behind and preparing for love in the future.

8. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
Starring: Robin Williams, Sally Field and Pierce Brosnan

Daniel Hillard (Williams) gets hit with it all: He loses his job, gets divorced and isn’t granted child custody. In order to spend some time with his children, without his ex-wife (Field) knowing, Hillard dresses up like an old nanny and interviews for a position to care for the children. The plan works, until Hillard meets his wife’s new beau, Stu (Brosnan). A cute comedy for adults and kids alike about family life after divorce.

9. Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
Starring: Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep

Ted Kramer (Hoffman) always let his work come before his family. Joanna (Streep) soon gets tired of coming second and leaves Ted with their son, Billy. Ted must learn to balance his career, while taking care of the home, his child and himself. Just as Ted is getting it all figured out, Joanna comes back for Billy. But Ted refuses to give up his so the two head to court. This drama, focusing on the battle for child custody, won five Oscars.

10. Along Came Polly (2004)
Starring: Jennifer Aniston, Ben Stiller, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Debra Messing

Reuben Feffer (Stiller) had the perfect life planned out with his new wife, Lisa (Messing), until he found her cheating on him during the honeymoon. Devastated, Feffer returns home and runs into a former classmate, Polly (Aniston). Feffer tries to date the free-spirited Polly, but Lisa shows up, asking for Feffer to take her back. This quarky comedy shows how life doesn’t always end up the way we planned it, as Feffer decides whether to keep on the uncertain path with Polly or go back to his dream with a cheating wife.
Source: IMDB

Resources:
http://www.totaldivorce.com/blog/debbiedivorce/top-10-divorce-movies/

Affects on Children

When people get married they start a new life together by joining/buying property, items for the house and having children. But with almost 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, it is a wonder what affects this has on the children. There are many different affects that children have when their parents are going through a divorce. How kids act depends on how old they are, if the divorce is messy, and the type of relationship their parents had. It does not take a person with a PhD to know that children are extremely affected by a parents’ divorce. In fact “many studies show that, to a child, divorce is equivalent to the pain of the death of the parent” (Demick). Also many children believe it is their fault and their parents don’t love them anymore.
There are researchers who have broken down the affects and reactions children have between 4 different age groups. Preschool (ages 3-5) will have sleep disturbances, a fear of separation from the custodial parent and a yearning for the non-custodial parent. Early latency (ages 6 ½-8) will openly grieve and have fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Late latency (ages 8-11) will show anger, a feeling of powerlessness, and will try to take care of the parents (at an expense of their own needs). Also this is the age were a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent is formed. Adolescence (ages 12-18) will show signs of depression, suicidal ideation and violently acting out. They will also be affect down the road with fears about future relationships (Eleoff).

Of course every child is not going to act out, have commitment issues, or depression but it is important to know that these things could happen. It is essential for parents to not put their child in the middle of fights and make them pick sides. Also it is ideal to have a clean divorce and if there is fighting not to do it in front of the child. But above all it is best to talk to the child to reassure it is not their fault and try to explain why this is happening.

Resources:
http://www.essortment.com/all/divorcehoweffe_rhcq.htm http://www.childadvocate.net/divorce_effects_on_children.htm

Gays Can't Divorce

Even though divorce is common for the majority of people in the United States, there is a small portion of the population that finds it hard to get one. As we know only Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont, and the District of Columbia allows gay marriage. But did you know that some states don’t allow married gay couples to get a divorce. Right now there are two couples in Texas fighting for the rights to a divorce. On April 21, 2010 the Seattle Times highlights the case of Angelique Naylor and Sabina Daly. These ladies got married in Massachusetts in 2004. They have joint property and a 4½ year old son. Naylor and Daly have been separated since 2007 but are still trying to figure out how to make it legal. It is important for them to be granted a divorce because of the legal aspects attached to a marriage. Naylor and Daly worked out the custody issue for their adopted son. Naylor and Daly don’t understand why it so difficult to get a divorce. Naylor says “we didn't ask for a marriage; we simply asked for the courtesy of divorce” (Nguyen). Kelly Shackelford, chief counsel for the conservative Liberty Institute in Plano, says "It's a backdoor run at establishing same-sex so-called marriage against the people's vote," Shackelford said. "Once you grant the divorce, you are recognizing that there was a marriage" (Nguyen). This meaning that the state of Texas doesn’t want to grant this divorce because it would say that gay marriage is acceptable.

I can imagine for this couple that right now is a very stressful time. Having a legal marriage means that they have all the same ties to the legal system and all the complications of splitting up their shared lives. I feel that the states that don’t allow divorces (and those that don’t allow gay marriages) are not treating these people like they are citizens. Just because these people’s views are different doesn’t mean they should be treated as aliens. This story really opened my eyes about the lesbian and gay fight. I knew they were having trouble getting married but I did not know the fight extended into divorce.

Resources:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2011650595_apusgaydivorcetexas.html

Larry King

It is weird to think that divorce wasn’t easily accessible about 40 years ago because it is seen all around us in the media. No matter where you are looking, in a newspaper, magazines, television shows and movies, divorce is likely to be a part of it. There are many articles in newspapers around the country. Some articles are about ordinary couples but there are a ton of stories about celebrities.

On April 14th 2010 the New York Times published an article on Larry King about his divorce to his 7th wife. This couple has been married for nearly 13 years and they have 2 children together; Larry wants to have joint custody and Shawn wants physical custody. Traditionally after a divorce children end up living with their mother. Also during a divorce couples go through the process of dividing up shared items, usually property. In this celebrity case Shawn want to gain ownership of the "couple's home in Beverly Hills, Calif., and two properties in Utah” (The Associated Press) but Larry doesn’t want to grant her any property. In this article there was no reason to why Shawn filed for a divorce.

Resource:

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/04/14/arts/AP-US-People-Larry-King-Divorce.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=divorce%20&st=cse

Reasons Why

It is interesting to notice that United States has an extreme divorce rate while other countries have almost no divorces. There are reasons why there is a vast range of divorce levels. One reason that couples do not divorce is for economic reasons; this is mostly the case for woman. In less developed countries and in U.S. history it is the men who are the breadwinners. Because woman don’t have jobs or they make very little they are not able to branch out on their own. This is also why couples stay together when domestic violence is involved. Because women in the U.S are able to have successful careers they have more flexibility to live on their own. Another reason unhappy couples stay together is because of honor and guilt. These can include being with someone because you feel you have to, religion, guilty that you don’t love the spouse/ love someone else. The last main reason couple stay together is for the children (Snow). I think the last one is very selfish. By staying together and not getting long the married couple is becoming a poor role model for the child. I think it is ironic that after having children it puts more strain on the relationship which leads to divorce.

Even though there are many reasons for couples to stay together there are many more reasons why couples get a divorce. The main reason couples get a divorce is lack communication of feelings, problems, and just plain talking to each other (Panse). Since women and men have easier access to a divorce in this day and age, they do not need to put up with things mentioned in this list.

There is a large list of reasons that lead to divorce that are often found:
Lack of commitment to the marriage, lack of communication between spouses, infidelity,abandonment, alcohol addiction, substance abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, inability to manage or resolve conflict, personality differences, differences in personal and career goals, financial problems, different expectations about household tasks, different expectations about having or rearing children, interference from parents or in-laws, lack of maturity, intellectual incompatibility, sexual incompatibility, insistence of sticking to traditional roles and not allowing room for personal growth, falling out of love, religious conversion or religious beliefs, cultural and lifestyle differences, inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies, mental instability or mental illness, criminal behavior and incarceration for crime (Panse).

Divorce could be seen as the easy way out but there are things that couples can do to help work though their problems. One is making sure communication lines are open, going to a marriage counselor, and even before marriage co-habitat and really get to know each other. Getting to know each other is very important seeing that you may spend half or more of your life with this other person.

Resources:

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/common-causes-and-reasons-for-divorce.html
http://hubpages.com/hub/Bad-Reasons-to-Stay-Married

Divorce Rates

Divorce rates are actually not the highest they have been, but they have leveled out. It is still high and most marriages end up in divorce. The graph below, from University of Maryland, shows divorce rates from 1950-1999. This graph shows divorce increasing during the 1970’s when the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act was established. Divorce finally peaked in the 1980’s and then slightly decreased right after that.

In America divorce is most like to happen to couples who married between the ages of 20-24. Women who married at this age divorce 36.6% of the time and men 38.8%. The second highest rate of divorce for woman is marrying under 20 years (woman 27.6%, men 11.7%). For men the second highest rate is getting married between 25-29 years (woman 16.4%, men 22.3%). According the statistics, if you want a marriage to last it is best to wait until you are between the ages of 25-29 (woman 5.1%, men 6.5%) (Baker). I think that it makes sense that marriage last longer the older you are. It is human nature to be curious and want more. Americans live longer than they have in the past and it is still surprising that we are to find the one person to be with for the majority of life. I also think that this is why the divorce rate has increased. United States has the highest divorce rate in the world, 4.95 per 1,000 people (NationMaster). It is also true that once you go though a divorce it is more likely for you to end up in another divorce. A first marriage has a 45-50% chance for divorce, a second marriage has a 60-67% chance and a third marriage has 70-73% chance (Baker).

Resources:

http://www.bsos.umd.edu/socy/vanneman/socy441/trends/divorce.html (graph)
http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate
http://www.divorcestatistics.org/

Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act

When no-fault divorce is mentioned it is hard not to bring up the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act. This act was established in 1970. The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act is seen in 8 states across the United States. These states include: Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, Kentucky, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana and Washington (Muse). In simple terms The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act "proposed that grounds for divorce would not necessitate one person being at fault. It also proposed that divorces must be recognized by all states so long as couples had met requirements of the state in which the divorce was granted" (associatedcontent). This was a great turn in events because before this act was established a couple/person wanting a divorce would have to have proof that there was wrongful acts. When this act was being formed it took many drafts and proposals. There were two committees that came together to write this act. One of the committees was an appointed group of the National Conference of Commissioners of Uniform State Laws (NCCUSL) and the second groups was the American Bar Association's Family Law Section (). It has been 40 years now that this act was established and legislatures are still making changes and adding sub-sections to it. A lot of the additions are concerning children and property. Even though only a handful of states have the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act, the other states have rules and laws concerning no-fault divorces. Divorce is a tricky subject and legislatures are still coming up with laws for it, but most of them have been shot down. In fact "as of 2008, some 80 amendments have been proposed to give the U.S. Congress power to regulate divorce, but to date all have failed" (associatedcontent).

The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uniform/vol9.html

Resources:

http://www.muselaw.com/Publications/FamilyLawNewsletter.aspx?NewsItemid=2

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1652297/a_look_at_divorce_in_america_pg3.html

History of Divorce

In this currant age of society it is not uncommon for married couples to get a divorce. In fact about 50% of marriages end up in a divorce. I believe that everyone is affiliated with divorce, either having the experience firsthand or knowing someone who experienced. I know I’ve been in the path of divorce.

But is it surprising that divorce once was not even legal. It actually became legal in the sixteenth century starting in Europe. But just because it was legal still doesn’t mean that it was easy to obtain a divorce. The plaintiff had to have solid proof that desertion, adultery, regular inebriation, impotence and cruel and abusive treatment had occurred. There were some states that made it really had to get a divorce, mostly the ones on the east coast, and states that were more lenient. Many people would travel to the west coast states, mostly Nevada and California, to get a divorce and then move back to start their lives again and separate. It is thought that the west coast states were easier to get a divorce because these states were easier to get married in. In the 1970s no-fault divorces became easier to obtain. Courts recognized no-fault divorce in terms of long-term separation, instances of incompatibility and loss of sanity. Soon after courts recognized no-fault divorces, laws like the Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act became popular around the states.

Resources:
http://www.articledashboard.com/Article/The-History-Of-Divorce-In-The-US/971637